Playing Dress Up

Remember when you were a little girl and dressed up in your mother's clothes? You pretended to be a mother, or a doctor, or a flight attendant (I practiced the hand signals even). Well, since beginning grad school I have pretty much been doing the same thing. The clothing part I had down (although to my disappointment professional clothing is scarce at my internship and people prefer yoga pants and tennis shoes). Yet the therapist part I felt I was pretending. What is that saying? Fake it til you make it. That has been my approach. Although I am certainly not alone. My classmates have done the same, and I am certain any responsible therapist before me. Because when you have one quarter of grad school under your belt, and are expected to counsel at-risk youth, what else can you do?

The feeling that I am an actress playing the part of a therapist is slowly decreasing over time, although it is still quite present. It is funny that my first career aspiration was to be an actress...how lucky I can use those skills today. But the experience of being hyper aware of where my hands are, my tone of voice, my every mannerism; the searching through my mind for the answer or solution in the catalogued therapy books in my head; the thought of "what would a therapist do now;" they have all dwindled over time. Thankfully, since I am now more able to be present in the moment with my clients. I cannot say that I see myself as a therapist yet, but I see myself as a person, rather than an actor playing a part.