What Dreams May Come

I promised myself I would keep up with this blog, not for the hundreds of followers (really just one), but for me. So I have a place to vent, a place to put to paper (or computer screen) what is in my head. When I thought of what I wanted to write today I could not think of anything profound, nor did I want to relive the stress and annoyance of my week. Somehow writing it out would simply be reliving it. I want to put it behind me and move forward. Instead, I want to write about a new phenomenon for me: DREAMS.

I know this may sound odd, that dreams are a new thing for me. But really they are. Not because I didn't have dreams before. Not because I didn't think about them. But because they never had much meaning to me. Since I began therapy I have put more thought into the less "rational" parts of myself. Dreams are certainly not rational. Yet I have been noticing them a lot lately. I have noticed them because they are frequent. I have noticed them because I remember them. I have noticed them because they involve major parts of my life. I have also noticed them because, more often than not, they are uncomfortable and unpleasant.

I told my therapist about dreaming about my clients, and that I wanted to get them out of my dreams. She said "what if you didn't have to get rid of them?" "What if they meant something?" As I told her about one of my dreams, I realized so much of it made sense. I dreamt of a teenage client of mine picking me up with a bunch of teenage boys in a car. Then I was in my sorority (although it was a different building in the dream). There were clothes thrown everywhere. The place was total chaos. My therapist said, "interesting, her life is chaotic and messy." Yes, that is totally true! So, no I'm not a dream reader (nor do I believe in them), but I do think it is interesting to think about what my dreams may be telling me.

So in continuation of my mother-aunt drama, here is my latest vivid dream:

I am getting married. I wake up in an empty room on the carpet floor. Then I realize I have no one to do my hair or makeup. A friend throws some bobby pins in my hair...but it is falling out and lopsided. Then I rush to throw makeup on in a time crunch. I try to pin my own hair back in the bathroom. Then, in my wedding dress, I decide to go pee. I dip the entire train in the toilet water. My pretty, strapless, mermaid, champagne dress soaked in toilet water, with no time to dry. Then I am in the room where the ceremony will happen...a food court. My aunt Jill is there fighting with my mom about something. I feel a rush of emotion. I want to cry.

I woke up anxious and tense. I knew immediately why my fighting family was in the dream. I could guess that my own up tightness was coming though in the makeup and hair fiasco. But I did not realize why I was having a wedding dream. Then I told my mom about the dream. She said, "well you told me that other than your wedding, graduation will be the most important event in your life." Wow, deep mom. I had told my mom that. That I wanted my family to suck it up and get along for the few momentous events of my life. Then I dreamt of my wedding day, disastrous in numerous ways. Perhaps dreams do mean something...